I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
