My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
