Banned from zoo.
Again?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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