I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
