hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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