u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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