oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
