Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
