Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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