Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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