dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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