On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
