dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
if only i could text you this smell
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
