I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
