My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
