The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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