so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
