3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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