How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
