I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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