I molested 6 butterflies tonight
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize