Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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