you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
