weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
