Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
