hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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