WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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