I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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