and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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