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Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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