Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
