feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize