it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
