he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
