I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize