Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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