in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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