I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
