Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
