Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
