I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
