At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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