Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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