I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
