he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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