So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
