I bet he comes in French.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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