You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
