Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
