i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize