You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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