We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
