The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Green mimosas i think yes
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
