So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
