My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
