i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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