She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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