you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
