you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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