What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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