I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
