your room smells of hookers.
And success
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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