Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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