gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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