he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize