I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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