just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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