WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
so much tequila, so little girl.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
