I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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