Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
