I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
