You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
