I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
