We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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