Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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