so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize