She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
