Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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