Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
