So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
