I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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