I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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