Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
