His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
