So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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