I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
