***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize