so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
