I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She announced her abortion via fbk
Is it because I queefed?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Randomize
