goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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