Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Four minutes until I can fart!
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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