I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
