$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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