So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
