Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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