Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
