After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Randomize