spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
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