New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
