Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
