I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
