break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
