Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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