Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
