you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
