If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
