I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
