I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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