This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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