Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
