one two three fourrrrnication!
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
my sisters under your porch take her home
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
