I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
